


Marriage Snippets

by HaveMyWeedCookies



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:16:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaveMyWeedCookies/pseuds/HaveMyWeedCookies
Summary: Two disaster gay husbands wanted to live a quiet married life, but their stupidity always made the headlines.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 51
Kudos: 246





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parody of this news: man walks 450km after lockdown row with wife. Read the article: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-55224031  
> I find it very hilarious and decided to zosanize the story. I hope you enjoy it :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> East-Blue man stepped outside to calm down after quarrelling with his husband and ended up walking 1132 km.

**East-Blue man stepped outside to calm down after quarrelling with his husband and ended up walking 1132 km**

By Morgans

Published: 11:32, 2 December 2020

The man, who had not been named, left from the Sambas Region of East Blue and made his miraculous way to Grandline, hiking the unscalable slope of Reverse Mountain and traversing across the Grandline's wilderness around 80 Km per day. Local law enforcement came across him stripping off his worn clothes on a cliffed coast of Saboady and intercepted the man before he could jump off the cliff.

"I just wanted to fish," the East-Blue man told the police. He also insisted in an indignant tone that, "I wasn't lost! F*** you!"

There was a communication breakdown between this man and the officers who tried to dissuade him from swimming across the ocean. The man reportedly put up resistance to his arrest. He was placed in the county's jail in which he received a mental state examination and food.

The authorities discovered from the database while investigating his identity, that the man's husband had already reported him missing two weeks ago.

His husband who spoke to the local news on the condition of _absolute_ anonymity explained that his directionally challenged partner "has a stupid habit of aimless wandering." He and the family friends were used to collecting him from unusual places, even a landfill where he once found his stubborn husband sleeping on dung heaps. "All of this because I washed his disgusting belly warmer and he hated that it smelled _'too_ _clean_ '. F*** him. Talking about that b****** pisses me off! I hope he rots in jail!"

Clearly, this wasn't the first time that our wanderer stormed off on foot after an intense argument and shocked his partner with his stunt.

And a stunt did he pull. The man was slapped with 500,000 Berries in fines for trespassing on the national forest lands, disturbing and killing wildlife, possession of offensive weapons, assault charges and other minor offences.

Nico Robin, a local archaeologist and historian, believed the man was the culprit in urban legends of Marimo-man that had recently sprouted up in towns he wandered past during his two-week expedition. "I find it fascinating because stories in these towns describe a similarly terrifying green creature who steals alcohol and terrorizes livestock," said Prof Nico. The town councils reportedly decided to ban the man from entering their towns for life.

The wandering man was finally reunited with his partner who travelled to Sabaody to pick him up. The local reports did not say how his husband reacted to his newfound notoriety and its price.

If there's a silver lining to the man's penalties, it is the social media which portrayed him in a more heroic light. A few comments playfully asked if the man's husband was "a nag." Many online sympathizers believed he should have been rewarded for his unwavering determination. "He began his odyssey because of a petty fight - that's something you don't see every day." 

Alas, the biggest question about their disagreement has remained shrouded in secrecy.

READ NEXT: Local celebrity chef declared his love for his husband who returned home with huge fines, "divorce is off the table, but murder will do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> East-Blue man set his car on fire in the middle of traffic after finding a huge spider inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on my Parental Engagement fic but suddenly craved a quick fluffy shot of Zoro and Sanji as a married couple, in love and incurably stupid. If I find funny news, I'll continue to add them in this collection of Zosan's silly headlines.

**East-Blue man set his car on fire in the middle of traffic after finding a huge spider inside**

By Morgans

Published: 11:32, 2 January 2021

The unnamed man was driving home when he found a huge spider crawling on his car ceiling and had a fright that made him set his car on fire. Recovered dashcam footage from his burnt car shows the hairy eight-legged creature dropping itself on the man's lap, causing him to scream in panic. It's not known how the situation unfolded as the video stopped recording shortly after. Traffic cameras caught the man jumping out of his car in the middle of the busy road before the fire exploded. He was reportedly smoking a cigarette, calmly watching flames engulfing the spider-infested vehicle.

The man was asked by a local reporter why he chose to burn down his car instead of rolling the car windows down and waiting for the spider to get out by itself.

"Everyone has things they can and cannot do," the man solemnly replied to the interviewer. He refused to explain how he set his car on fire but complained that all cars should be spider-proof because "they are gross."

The footage had gone viral on social media. The man's 'fiery solution' was met with chuckles and sympathy. Social media users flocked to the comment section to share their scary experiences with spider infestations and to praise the man for making their fantasies come true.

Not everyone endorses violence against the arachnid kind though. Usopp, a self-proclaimed insect specialist who watched the video, identified that the spider was a non-venomous species and not harmful to humans. "Spiders are unjustly misunderstood. They play a crucial role in our ecosystem and they are awesome!" Usopp told the local news. "There are many ways of getting spiders out of your car without killing them. If you need help, contact local experts for assistance. I know that no sane person would follow in that _dramatic_ guy's footsteps but don't set your car on fire, please. It not safe for you or spiders."

The fate of the spider was unknown but fortunately, no human got injured. The fire department arrived and quickly had the fire put out.

Portgas D. Ace, one of the firefighters who tackled the blaze, said that the incident was the funniest case since he had joined the fire service. "He is easily the cutest arsonist I've ever met. I'd love to light a cigarette for him if he wasn't already married."

The police officers, however, weren't so amused. The arachnophobic man was arrested with arson charges. He was ordered to pay a 3,300 fine and has his driving license revoked.

The man was reportedly enraged, hurling his insults at the Sambas court for disqualifying him from driving.

"Bad driving. Me? You have no f***ing idea what bad driving really looks like! You know what, I'll make you a**holes regret this - I'll let my husband drive!"

The authorities were confused by his verbal assault but decided to charge him with alleged offences against the officers.

Local media said the man plans to make an appeal to get his license restored. He also intends to make an insurance complaint about his car insurance company for refusing to pay his claim.

READ NEXT: East-blue man accused streets of "moving" after accidentally driving his car into a river.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> East-Blue man chugs two litres of sake rather than hand them over to airport security, then fights with his husband

**East-Blue man chugs two litres of sake rather than hand them over to airport security, then fights with his husband**

By Morgans

Published: 11:32, 19 February 2020

The incident happened at the Flevance airport on 13th February, where the man and his husband, whose names weren't released, were changing planes on their way home to Sambas from a holiday in North Blue.

According to airport rules, hand luggage liquids must be carried in containers of 100ml or less. The couple was told at security control they would have to either pay an extra fee to have their hand luggage checked as cargo or surrender their two litres of sake.

The couple was reportedly displeased with both options. While his husband was haggling with airline staff members over the carry-on fees, the man began downing two full bottles of sake in 11 seconds, unwittingly setting a new world record for the fastest alcohol drinking.

Drinking a large amount of alcohol in a short space of time can result in alcohol poisoning. Although the man strangely showed no sign of intoxication, an airport paramedic called to the scene still thought he should receive a medical examination. The husband then started berating the man for not sharing the liquor. Their fight filmed by a bystander had gone viral in North Blue after being revealed on social media this week.

The footage and a full transcript of their heated argument are below.

The husband: You selfish b******! I was the one who f***ing bought them for our date night on this Valentine's Day! You didn't even bother to ask me if I wanted a sip. Of course, I would not drink shamelessly in public, but still! I'll make you drink seawater for the rest of your life!

The man: You still have that pathetic mini bottle! More than enough to get you lightweight ass drunk!

TH: It's called Piccolo! Why am I married to an uncultured swine like you!

TM: You love getting f***** by this swine, that's why!

TH: Oh my god! Your d*** isn't that special!

TM: Oh yeah? It sure can shut you up!

TH: You wanna fight or what?! I'll kill you!

TM: Try it, b******!

Things went from bad to worse when the husbands started throwing punches and kicks at each other while rolling around on the floor of the airport. The airline staff deemed the couple a safety risk and refused them access to the flight.

Local media said the temperamental couple made up almost immediately after their full-blown fight. They reportedly celebrated Lovers day at the Flevance Hospital to where the man was admitted for a toxicology test. He was discharged from the hospital the next day. Trafalgar Law, MD, a cardiothoracic surgery resident at the hospital told the local news, "due to his genetic makeup, the patient has a high alcohol tolerance. He would make a great specimen for medical experiments. Sadly, he's still alive. He and his husband broke our hospital bed and annoyed the patients and sleep-deprived doctors _all night_. I think he's healthy enough to get out of the hospital." The couple got a bill for 10,600 Berries for damaging hospital property.

Dr.Trafalgar wished the husbands a safe journey home. "Don't come back to my city again, a*******" 

READ NEXT: East-blue man so drunk he forgets he's married and proposes to his husband again, their neighbours file noise complaints.


End file.
